HELPLESSNESS AND HOPE
Argh, futz-de-futzly futz futz!! I stop typing and sigh in frustration.
Just where are my muses? Why are they not helping me out with my words? Don’t they know that words are a writer’s best friend? What is a writer if she can’t find the words to express herself? How will she survive? Arghhhh, imma expire!!!
I will admit that sometimes I am prone to drama.
I sigh again, louder this time.
It seems that I am stuck half-way en-route to a desired destination. This is a problem, since I have yet to determine where that destination even is.
In hindsight, perhaps that is the crux of the problem – I should have determined the destination before I set out to travel.
Being free as the wind and just going where the road takes you is fine sometimes, but not all the times. Planning is good. Even a ‘spur of the moment’ thing requires planning eventually, I scold myself.
In simple terms, I should have determined how I wanted my story to end before I actually begun writing it.
Before I slump further into the pit of discouragement, I console myself with the thought that I had actually managed to write a short fiction earlier during the week. I even finished it. It is a story for kids, which I wrote as a ‘spur of the moment’ thing, but is also a follow-up to a story I made up for Beatrice when she slept over at my place one night.
A moment of pensiveness falls over me as I remember the event which led to little Beatrice spending the night at my place.
Life being what it is, I can only hope that no one I care about has to go through such a situation and feelings of helplessness again. But if they do, then I pray they have Faith, Hope and Peace to go through the situation.
Brennan is a kind, gentle man with a generous heart and untiring penchant for helping his patients.
Yes, Brennan is a doctor. I think I mentioned that before.
Anyway, Brennan has always seemed to go beyond the normal callings and duty of a paid physician, in order to help his patients.
His patients are indeed glad to have such a gifted physician attending to their various physical ailments. Most of all they profusely appreciate Dr. Brennan’s comforting bedside manners and gentle demeanor when tending to them.
I know for a fact that Susana is very proud of her husband.
But there have been times when Susana confided in me that she wishes Brennan would be a little bit selfish and put his little family at the forefront of his thoughts and decisions.
She also thinks that he should think more on his own health, when ever he insists on staying the extra hours to help this particular patient who has no family members visiting him, or that particular patient who have been hurt so badly and needed someone to stay by her bedside until a family member could come stay with her.
What makes such thoughts minimal sometimes, though, is when a hurting little one comes under his care, and who reminds him so much of his little Bea and how he cannot bear to think of her alone in a hospital without an adult to stay by her side. When this happens, even Susana admits that she can understand why Brennan would do what he does, in staying the extra hours.
However, Susana is fiercely protective of her family unit and she always puts them first, something which no one can rightly blame her for. She also says that Brennan takes care of many others, including his own family, and she takes care of him.
There has been a few times when I overhear Susana asking Brennan to keep to his normal working hours, and Brennan with his family in mind, would agree. But any good intentions regardless of where they come from when birthed within a person who also has such a tremendous burden for responsibilities – such as Brennan does -, will always take a back seat to empathy.
Oh, Brennan loves his family, more than anything, there is no doubting that.
It is just that when he is at work and faced with the reality of patients and their sufferings, then it will be them, his patients, who will consume his thoughts, at least for as long as they are in his space.
This has a habit of happening especially when he is sure his own little family is safe, healthy and happy at home.
I will never presume to know what makes Brennan tick, but I will hazard a guess that perhaps part of his decisions is made based on his desire to see other families as healthy and protected as his is. So when he sees a patient in need, knowing how much that person and their family are suffering while placing their trust in him to make things better, he goes the extra mile and sacrifices his time and energy for them. It isn’t the ideal solution by any means, especially for Brennan’s family, but it is what he choose.
As a result, he will be back to his usual work habits, extra hours and all.
However, all decisions have consequences, or in the words of a wise person, ‘every action has a reaction.’
There comes the night when Susana receives a phone call from the hospital where Brennan works at.
I remember that it is still early evening, actually, and I am just about to cook myself dinner, when there is a loud knocking at my front door; frantic knocking which nearly make me drop my plate on my foot.
A bit unsettled, I put down the plate and goes to open the door. There, looking frazzled and highly strung, quite unlike her usual cheery self, is Susana. She is holding a sleepy looking Bea in her arms.
An uneasy feeling settles in my heart… or it might have been my stomach, it is hard to tell sometimes.
I immediately go on high alert.
“Su? What is it? Why do you look like that? Is everything alright?” I ask her, even as I instinctively reach out for Bea. The little one goes into my arms without complain, and her mother almost distractedly let her.
“I’m so sorry Nys, for imposing on you like this, but I need your help with Beatrice for a while. I have to go take care of something. Can you help?” Susana asks, her voice trembling.
I hasten to assure her, “Of course, Su. You know you never have to ask. I’ll help anytime. But, what’s happened?”
A thought comes to me. “Oh my… is it Brennan? Did something happen?” I ask even as I try to keep the dread out of my voice.
“Yes.” Susana sniffs. She has tears in her eyes. “It’s Brennan. The hospital called. He collapsed. They haven’t checked yet, but Dr. Linc said to prepare for the worse, and that it might be a heart-attack. They asked me to come down. Brennan’s still out of it.”
“Oh, no!” I gasp, “Oh, honey!”
As best as I can with Bea in my arms, I reach out to hug Susana.
Susana wraps her arms around both of us.
For previous chapters go here https://myreadingpoet.com/category/fiction-and-short-stories/
An excellent read here https://flintobox.com/blog/child-development/fantastic-stories-for-kids